How to deal with people who do not accept when you change

Sometimes, even after you changed for the better, people will try to remind you about your past and will hold on to their image of you from the past. They find it difficult to let go of it and identify you with your new changes. That’s because they find comfort in representing you that way in their life. They have you represented as something, and themselves as something in relation to you. Now because you changed, they can’t simply change their impression because it involves changing the entire equation itself – which means – changing themselves too. Because in your old ways, they would’ve interacted or responded to you in a certain way. Now that you have changed, they have to change not just their mental map of you, but also their way of responding to you and representing you. That’s a lot of work on their end – and unless they are truly willing and flexible to make the shifts, it just feels more convenient for the moment to hold on to the old belief about you. 

What usually happens in this case, is that some people who change, feel there’s no point in them changing since some key people in their life are not recognising their change. So they go back to their old ways. Thus, proving the other person true – that their change was not for real, it was only momentary. 

However, that’s the place where if you can find your own conviction for changing and keep reassuring yourself that you are on the right path, it will greatly help. People will eventually change their perspective of you – they need time to make that shift – because it is externally driven initially. You changed because you wanted to. For them to change, it has to come from within too. So, create a compelling need for them by continuing to be the better version of you. Your efforts will never go in vain. Trust yourself and trust the universe on that. Every single moment that you are different, you are happier with yourself for sustaining the change, someone else might be inspired looking at your change, you feel more confident about yourself and hence, more peaceful and happy too! While momentarily, your efforts do not seem to get acknowledged, if you keep at it, you’ll be the leader of change!

In the meantime, avoid getting into debates or arguments, trying to convince them to acknowledge your change. The more you force, the more frustrated both parties will be. Thus, making it even more difficult for the other to acknowledge the change. Let them have their map, smile, acknowledge their perspective, and don’t be affected by it.

Also, understand that your past behaviours would have had a certain impacted on them too. And they need time to reassure themselves that this change is for real. Because they don’t want to go back to readjusting to old ways just in case you flip. It’s their fear at times, that prevents them from accepting something too quickly. And it takes time to undo what has happened and open up to new possibilities.

Now that you know what’s causing the delay, your patience and understanding in this regard could just be another feather in your cap.

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Narmada Rao
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10 Comments
  • gsriramamurty
    Posted at 12:40h, 19 July Reply

    Good one. We have live the way we want it is not necessary to live acceptable to others, even if you change it is your choice and if you think it is for betterment it is always wellcome and need not worry what others think. God bless you.

  • Parvees
    Posted at 13:48h, 19 July Reply

    What a joy to read.. what a positive vibe you transmit to us… thanks dear for yet another wonderful and meaningful post

  • Parvees
    Posted at 15:02h, 19 July Reply

    Truely inspiring.

  • shashigulati
    Posted at 16:33h, 19 July Reply

    Accepting the change… even I myself used to think that keeping myself at priority is self love or selfishness? My self love took sometime to be accepted by myself. Then Others will certainly take some more time or will not accept our changed form. Thank you for telling the reasons of non acceptance and impact of our changes on others around us. Certainly it will be helpful. Thankyou.

  • anilmackie
    Posted at 08:56h, 22 July Reply

    It’s a change for the other person to accept the change in me. That’s a very good perspective in being patient with others. Leading by example or even just being myself is more important than the acknowledgment from others. Acknowledgement might or might not come, but I can keep the new self of mine. There is a chance of them getting inspired or recognizing the changes in me some time down the lane. So, if I am convinced about the new-self, it’s important to stay on it with conviction. Amazing.

    Thank you for the new perspective. It gave me a better reason to stay on the new path with commitment and to reassure myself about the progress. Have a good day.

    • narmadarao
      Posted at 09:09h, 22 July Reply

      Thank you ! glad to hear that it helped with a new perspective . A wonderful day to you too 🙂

  • muralidaran
    Posted at 17:23h, 25 July Reply

    this message on this topic is very useful for me. i face same situation and feeling when close people not acknowledge my change. But under stood message and agree to be wait until they change opinion without force and keep forward in process.

    • narmadarao
      Posted at 18:05h, 25 July Reply

      Thank you . Yes . It becomes easier when we remain gentle n focused

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