I am not attached to him, although his love has been the greatest I have consistently experienced in my life. I have been lucky to have many more people love me and stand by me throughout. It’s just that I understood my father’s love language the best. He made me feel safe. He was kind and understanding - happy when I was happy, compassionate when I wasn’t. He listened without interrupting . He offered another perspective without imposing. He was never rude or hurtful, even if he was angry. He expressed displeasure, but never scared me or scarred me. I didn’t have to meet his expectations to be greeted with a smile. His good morning was always good, regardless of what time I woke up. His ‘good evenings’ were always pleasant, even if I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to. His ‘good nights were always sweet, even though I never slept on time. He wasn’t mad at me when I scored poorly or failed. He calmly reminded me of what I am capable of.  He helped me realise without embarrassing, shaming, or taunting me.

He said he was with me in whatever I did, if I was healthy and happy. All he truly cared for was whether I was taking care of myself. He celebrated my small wins, my birthdays like festivals. His eyes would light up, his voice would brighten every time he saw me. He used to ask me to sleep and keep checking on me until I did. And finally, turn the lights off when I did.

Yet, I am not attached to him!

I loved going shopping with him. He didn’t just pay, he actively participated in helping me select for hours! His eyes would show the delight, and of course, his words would follow, to let me know how good it looked on me. He never stopped buying just one. He always said, “Please take some more nana”. It wasn’t because we were rich, but because he operated from a place of abundance and trust.

He was never too busy for me. If I really had to speak to him, he would park the world aside and sit down with me. He was a high achiever - but that didn’t mean he was too busy for anyone who needed his love or attention. He said time is what we make of it. And because he valued time and knew it would never come back, he valued the people who shared that time and space with him. Not his phone, newspaper, or other things. His achievements weren’t about him, but about how actions may benefit many of those around him. A life lived with such impact that a decade after he is gone, people still talk to me about his positive influence on their lives.

He always spoke to me of what was good in me, and reminded me of what I could, even when I was far from it. I never believed in myself . But he did. When I gave up, he held on. And because he held on, I rose up. I stand today because I have his hand.

Yet, I am not attached to him!

He wanted me to get married. But he didn’t pressure me. He wanted me to do a PhD, but he didn’t nag me. He wanted me to save money, but I spent it. He reminded me of life and the importance of savings. He pointed me in the right direction without telling me that I was wrong. I felt safe. I felt loved. I felt someone was there, no matter what. And the beauty is his love is so powerful that I still feel all that - even though it has been 10 years since he passed. I haven’t known of God, but I saw what it might be like in my Dad. I believe in God for just one reason - that he gave me such a precious gift in my father! Only someone exceptional could fathom creating someone so pure, so beautiful, so kind.

His voice didn’t change with mine. He didn’t take my anger as an excuse for him to be irritated. While I used to frequently offer that as an excuse for losing my temper - 'They did this or said that - that’s why I got angry and did that or said that!'

He used to tell me, “It’s easy to be nice when others are being nice, but it is important to be nice even when they are not being as nice,“ and he lived by that. Others’ anger was never a good enough reason for him to be provoked and be rude, arrogant, or brash. He had the calm sense to be himself and assume that perhaps the other person was having a bad day and cut them slack. If needed, he was assertive and made his point clear, while not looking down on the other.

He was never afraid to stand up for what’s right and do what’s right. He always said to take care of at least 5 more people’s meals along with mine. 'It doesn’t have to be fancy - whatever you can do, ' he said.

He always said God has blessed everyone - it is left up to us to utilise our blessings and persevere through life.

He didn’t ask me to follow his dreams. He let me weave my own.

There was solace in his silence, warmth in his voice, and strength in his presence.

Yet, I am not attached to him!

A solid, dynamic, courageous, positive, brave, chivalrous, kind, thoughtful, loving man. If there’s one wish, I wish I could learn to love like him.

He loved - not expecting to be loved back, or expecting  any of his needs, demands, or wishes to be met. He loved, because he loved to love. He was love.

He had his fears, but he never let them get louder than his love.

He showed me that true love cannot be limited, prevented, or hidden by the concept of time and money.

My life was no fairy tale - but his loving presence makes it appear so. I don’t need any more blessings - I got the best, biggest, and most phenomenal blessing right at the beginning of my life - and that Blessing blesses me always.

You might be wondering, with all this, how come I am not attached to my father? Because his absence doesn’t bother me as much as his love keeps me going. If I were attached to him, I’d be mourning his absence. But I love him, so I celebrate his life and cherish his love.

Happy Father's Day to all the fathers who are heroes for your children! You are our knights in shining armour more than anyone else.