Discovered the opposite of guilty (Part 2)

Imagine this – you are going to be a part of creating history with a Guinness Book of World Record – with more than 4000  children as participants, 20 cameras, another 5000 teachers and parents waiting outside – you head the Organization that’s attempting to create this record. Feel the heat? Amidst all this, you get a call from someone in your organization – saying they missed their flight to get to the venue this morning – they have 10 kids with them who were supposed to be a part of this event. What would you do? How would you respond?

Here’s what actually happened. This will blow your mind. When this gentleman got that frantic call, he said, “No worries! When is the next flight?” When the lady shared the details, he said, “Ok, no problem! You come. We’ll take care.” The lady heaved a huge sigh of relief! The gentleman immediately instructed someone from his team to do the needful as soon as they arrive so that they make it on time to participate in the world record. The lady was filled with gratitude and shared this with someone who then shared it with some of us.

It would have been the easiest thing to say, “how could you miss the flight”! Even that one sentence would have made the lady feel even more guilty than she was already feeling for what happened. But when she heard this, she least anticipated him to answer his call, and more importantly, respond with such kindness and magnanimity.

I have had the pleasure of knowing this wonderful gentleman, my Guru, mentor, coach, and friend – he is Arul Subramaniam, Director of Brainobrain kids academy!

When we got to know the story through someone, we were very intrigued and asked him how was he able to be so kind and compassionate even under such a high-pressure environment. He said he visualized the children’s crying faces for missing the flight and missing an opportunity to be a part of a world record. He thought of the lady and how the parents of all those children would blame her and how much she’ll have to spend out of her pocket to rebook the tickets for a different flight for all of them to travel now. He felt if anything, he should try and be a part of the solution and not make her feel even worse. It was important to be kind and understanding. And that’s what he did! Many people who heard this story along with me were stunned by his capacity to be compassionate.

Most of us would make pressure an excuse to lose our cool. But for this man, there are no excuses to not be compassionate! And hence, he has an immense capacity to influence people in the most inspiring ways and create paradigm shifts in them. Not because he insists or persists, or criticizes or condemns but because he understands and explains! He doesn’t believe in making people feel guilty. He believes in enabling and empowering. And as a result, there are several thousands of people across the world who know him either through his profession or otherwise who are absolutely grateful to have him in their lives.

The positive effect of this behavior is not only on others but on self too. Both, my dance teacher and my Guru have one thing in common – they are very calm and peaceful souls by and large. Their calmness is soothing for others too! They hold such strong positive beliefs about others that they aren’t caught up in a rigmarole of negativity. And the best part is their positivity makes people turn around in ways that the people never imagined themselves.

On the other hand, the more we make people feel guilty, the more guilty we feel at the end of their life for having made them feel guilty instead of making them feel loved. And we’ll never have peace of mind constantly judging so many people and feeling bad due to our negative outlook. Hence, it is so important to be gracious rather than grumpy – so that people feel grateful instead of guilty.

Wishing that you are filled with peace, graciousness, and gratefulness!

I didn’t think there’d be a part 3 when I started writing, but as I wrote this one, a natural question came about – ‘how to deal with people who constantly try to make us feel guilty?’ Coming up, in tomorrow’s blog – stay tuned for more.

Narmada Rao
[email protected]
  • arulbob
    Posted at 10:04h, 03 May Reply

    Thank you so much for highlighting this in so many words. You have strengthened my awareness and this aspect of me. At Brainobrain, it is one of our values as an organisation. Glad when it is being recognised.

    • narmadarao
      Posted at 17:46h, 03 May Reply

      My pleasure and privilege to be able to share this 🙂

    Posted at 10:54h, 03 May Reply

    Well narrated model of “Being Compassionate”. To be able to exude kindness at such a high-pressure moment – is truly unbelievable. Appreciations to Arul sir for his excellence.

  • Mitesh Vaidya
    Posted at 17:09h, 03 May Reply

    For me you both are my Guru and knowing about one guru from other is very energizing. I know Arul sir since long but still every time, I meet him or hear about him a new and inspiring part comes out. This part is very much inspirational and guide me in tough situation.

    Thanks for sharing it.

    • narmadarao
      Posted at 17:45h, 03 May Reply

      Thank you so much Mitesh! So nice to hear from you. It’s my pleasure and privilege to write this 🙂

  • Megha
    Posted at 04:45h, 04 May Reply

    Lovely Narmada Mam!

    Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful part of Arul Sir. So much to learn from him. So, important to be calm in such situation. As you said mam it’s not just for others it’s for self too so today onwards I want to practice it consciously. Yesterday I scolded my daughter for non completion of her pending work and today morning after reading this I am feeling guilty and thinking I would have handled it by just being calm. But it’s never too late as sir said let’s be solution oriented so I want to model him consciously to handle such situation.

    • narmadarao
      Posted at 06:42h, 04 May Reply

      Most welcome Megha! Thank you so much for sharing your learning ! Absolutely – it’s never too late! And so nice of you to read and immediately think of where you can implement it . 👏🏻👏🏻As always, you are an active learner 🙂

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